Today as I was leaving the house, i pulled the door shut and it literally got sucked out of my hand to open again. I like to think it was Robert, trying to tell me I didn't really "need" that Starbucks, or that I should stay home and spend time with the doggies instead of going out. Yesterday while driving to work I saw someone who looked nearly identical to him. I was taken aback. I think I skipped three heartbeats. It just looked so much like him... the clothes, the hair, the glasses, the build of the legs... What I wouldn't give to see him again. To talk to him for a few minutes.
I won't lie, this new life, 4 months in the making, is starting to feel normal. I don't feel good, but I guess I'm getting used to the aching loss? I planned a trip next month to the city where we were married. I'm thinking about going to the actual venue and paying a visit. worst idea ever? maybe. I might even go eat at the place where we had our wedding dinner. I'm not sure if I'm just torturing myself or if this plan has the potential to be healing. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore. I don't know which direction I'm heading in. I feel lost. Totally without direction...
No comments:
Post a Comment