Day 53

Sirens never used to phase me. I'd check to see where they were coming from and go about my business. Now, I hear a siren and anxiety floods through me. I'm taken back to that night as I held my (dead) husband, begging him to come back, and waiting for the sirens to arrive. When I finally heard them I remember thinking "ok, they're almost here". Part of me knew the sirens wouldn't save him, but damn if I didn't want them to hurry. I remember begging someone to bring him back... EMS maybe? Or someone from the sheriff's office? I don't know. That night is a series of blurs with little spots of memory. Someone told me to get dressed. I changed clothes, but I don't know what I put on. Where I remember vivid details of the calls I made when nick died, I don't remember any of the calls I made about my husband. I feel like I should remember every second. Why don't i?