Day 46

Today I had to call the phone company, to downgrade my husband's service. I would have just cancelled it outright, but I wanted to be able to field any calls that might come in. Maybe that's stupid; I don't really know. I DO know that I literally couldn't say his phone number without starting to cry. I miss him so much that it physically hurts. His dog misses him. I don't know how to ease her anxiety. I can't even ease mine. it seems I may have found a home, with a friend, for the cat. That would be wonderful. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm lost and broken. I love my husband so much. My anxiety has been sky-high all day. It's a terrible feeling. I've been going easy on the anxiety meds, for fear of becoming reliant on them, but as it turns out, I'm reliant on them to even function right now. What is this life?