rough one

I've had a rough couple days... it seems to come in waves... the anniversary of my brother's passing is next week and i think it's hitting me much harder than i had ever anticipated... tonight during class, my eyes welled up and tears rolled down my face on multiple occasions... just can't keep some thoughts from hedging their way into my head, i guess... i'm not ready to deal with the reality that my brother is gone and it's been a year now without him... they say it gets easier after the first year... because there's no more "first (insert event here) without him"... doesn't feel like it will be any easier though... i haven't been back to my mom's house since i was there right after nick passed... i'm apprehensive to put it mildly...