The incredibly true adventures of a travel loving kid at heart who just became both an MBA and a recent widow. Navigating widowhood is the hardest thing I've ever done. Come along for the bumps in the journey.
11.12.2006
i don't know why...
i don't know why i'm struggling so much right now... i've been crying everyday for at least a week... i miss my brother so much... and i feel selfish, because i have friends who are faced with much more tangible reminders of the passing of their loved ones right now and i know they're going through more right now... but i can't help it, i'm sad, i miss him... i want him back because it's not fair. he shouldn't be gone. he should be here. his birthday is in a few weeks and i'm upset because bridget isn't here to write messages on balloons and send them off to him like she was last year... i'm upset because instead of him turning 34 this year, it will be me getting another year closer to being older than my older brother... i'm upset because there are still people who don't know and i don't know how to find them... i just want 5 more minutes... 5 more seconds...
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4 comments:
crying over IM just isn't the same.. I wish I was there with you now....
I'm so sorry Raphie. And although it doesn't help much, I know somewhat what you're going through. I watched the OC on Thursday and it was a Thanksgiving ep where everyone's all upset over the death of Marissa. And I bawled!!!! Not for Marissa, because I didn't like her character anyway, but because I realized that this is the first Thanksgiving without Dad. Just like the first birthday that he was around to call me. And soon it will be the first Christmas. And I echo your thoughts, "He shouldn't be gone. He should be here." Just one more day. One more hour.
raph, i know there is nothing i can really say to help you with your loss of nick but just know you are ALWAYS welcome to come over & hang out with me. bring dublin! i can imagine if i were you i would feel the EXACT same way. those feelings are natural (der, you know that) i love you pumpkin.
i wish i could give those five minutes pumpkin!!
i miss him too..
and just know that i am always here if you need me..
xoxo
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