this has been bothering me, so i'm going to vent about it... i vented about it to a couple of friends, but it's still eating away at me, so i'm just going to get it out here and (hopefully) be done with it...
a couple of days ago (coincidentally the same day i set up my brother's myspace) i got 2 myspace friend requests... one was from my brother's friend (since junior high), and the other was from his younger sister, who my brother's also know for the better part of her entire life... she also sent me an e-mail through myspace... now, these are people with whom my brother spent almost every day, when he was living in michigan... and even once he moved to florida, he was in constant contact, at one point having his friend's stepson stay in florida with him for a several week-long visit. so they were close. that's the point. i haven't had any direct communication with them since my brother passed away (my dad called their family to deliver the news and i spoke directly with my brother's friend's wife (also a friend of my brothers) a few days later. In any case, I would have though (and admittedly I expected) when I saw the friend requests and the message that it was a short note saying something to the affect of "i never got a chance to tell you how sorry i am that nick passed away"... so i read the note and it didn't even mention my brother... not a word... i accepted both friend requests and expected that i might get an email from the friend asking how i was or how my parents were or anything... but i got nothing... now maybe i expect too much of people, but these were some of nick's closest friends... who i never received any condolences from... it's just really upsetting to me.. it's hurtful. i was telling my mom about it last night (because, as i've mentioned, it's really been bugging me) and i was crying so hard i couldn't get my words out... i know it's been over a year since he passed, but i really don't think there's an expiration on offering someone condolences...
3 comments:
i can imagine how you must feel raph, but i guess the only thing i can think of is these people just have no idea on how to talk about the passing of nick. some people just think saying nothing is better than saying something. who knows maybe if you accept their request (not sure how my space works) they'll talk to you about it than. perhaps, their parents never taught them the proper way to handle these situations. again, i've never been in your spot but ... i love you and sometimes you just can't explain why people do or don't do things. you know? i'm glad you find your blog as a way to share these feelings with us. xoxo.
I agree with Autumn that maybe these friends don't know what to say, or maybe they think it's too late to say something. (Although, if it were me I might've said something like "I'm glad you set this site up" or something - just something to let you know that they are thinking of Nick and missing him, too, and appreciate what you've done.) However, it's just possible that they don't know what to say or how to say it??? I'd give them the benefit of the doubt for now.
P.S. I like the idea of setting up a space for Nick - might I borrow the idea to set one up for my Dad? There are a lot of people who probably aren't going to make it to the memorial in California and maybe this is a way they can "keep in touch" and "be there."
Post a Comment