do you see that thing in the distance, headed straight for me with lightning speed? yeah, that's my birthday. my 30th birthday. i always try to make a big deal about my birthday... i'll put out reminders for weeks, lest anyone forget what day it's on... i get all sorts of giddy at the idea of balloons and presents and the fuss being on me. And it should be. I know there are some who say that a birthday is just another day, but it's not. it's the day you came into being as an individual on the earth... every birthday you reach is significant. it's a reminder that if not for the events of that day, there are innumerable lives that would be different. it's a reminder that there are others whose lives were wiped out long before they should have been, who never reached the same milestone year, whatever it is... it's a day we should be thankful for life and friends and family... and i've had my fair share of shitty birthdays... the one, for example, where on of my closest friends got pissed at me and then didn't speak to me for the next 6 months, save for one really awful yellig crying phone call... or the birthday when i was in berlin, which is a city i love, but hated that night because i've never felt so very isolated... there was last year's birthday, the first without my brother... so, you'll have to excuse me if i make a big deal of the coming birthday, both for the way it scares me and the way i embrace the gift of another year...
i read an interview with zach braff the other day, from jane magazine. he makes a statement in the interview to the effect of "if you're in NY or LA it's no big deal to be 30, but pretty much everywhere else, you're expected to be settled" and i nearly slipped into my first full-on here comes 30 panic attack. all at once i was hit with all the things that aren't where they should be in my life... my degree? not done... my condo? hardly a home... my future? no prospects for a husband or child and so on... and of course, when i turn 30, i'm just another year closer to being older than my older brother...
2 comments:
raphie ... don't be so hard on yourself. i know easier said than done, but all those things you think are suppose to be set by 30 will come in time. just be open to letting new things come into your life (and be more pushy with, ahem, crushes).
Raphie,
You have awesome friends!
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